This is my first Mother’s Day without my mother, who passed away a few months ago. She died just a few weeks short of her 92nd birthday, having lived a long, happy and productive life. She was the matriarch of a large family of eight children, 18 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren.
No one is ever prepared or ready to lose their mother – even if she is in her 90s. But I feel so blessed that she was such a big part of my life for so long. She taught me many things – from the everyday (how to fold a queen-size sheet by myself) to the useful (how to make a good apple pie) to the very important (how to manage family finances and live within your means). But most of all she taught me what it means to be a mother – how to care for a baby, instill confidence in children and give youth the wings to fly when they are ready – all the time watching over them and helping out whenever they need it.
My first child was born when I was living and working in Somalia. My mother, 65 years old at the time, came to Africa to be with me for the birth. Although she had flown many times before, it didn’t mean she wasn’t nervous about going to a place she knew little about. She was. She described getting to JFK airport, checking in her over-packed bags filled with baby gifts and then going to the ladies room and throwing up. She said she felt better afterwards. Years later she told me she came to Somalia because if something unexpected happened during the birth, she didn’t want me to be so far away from family. That’s what mothers do. Regardless of their own fears, they love and care for their child in whatever ways they can.
What about children who grow up without a mother?
Because of my work at ChildFund, I think about this issue all the time. Every day, approximately 800 women die from preventable causes related to pregnancy and childbirth, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). And 99% of all maternal deaths occur in developing countries. The new baby and any older children at home are deprived of the mother they need to nurture them.
In the last 20 years, great strides have been made as maternal mortality rates worldwide dropped by almost 50 percent, reports WHO. But we still have a long way to go to help the remaining half of mothers whose lives are at risk simply because of their economic position.
If motherless children are lucky, they are raised by a loving grandmother. Certainly that happens in countries where AIDS has claimed many parents. Grandmothers often step in to fill that vital role. Other times, widowed fathers marry again, as it is not common, in my experience in developing countries, for men to raise children alone. In the worst-case scenario, we encounter “child-headed households” – children raising children. These children live in poverty that is hard for many to imagine.
Although we cannot ever replace the role of a mother, ChildFund’s programs can be a great help in ensuring children have good health, go to school and have the skills they need to face adulthood. But a unique part of ChildFund’s approach – matching an individual sponsor with an individual child – can bring an added benefit to a motherless child. Sponsorship reassures children that someone is watching over them from afar and is concerned for their well-being.
Isn’t that’s what their mothers would have wanted? I know my mother would have.
